Their Bun, My Oven

Hello everyone! It has been a week and a day since I gave birth. Wow, I can’t believe it has already been over a week. It’s so weird to me that this journey has ended. Over a year and a half of surrogacy consuming my life and now… over. Honestly, it was hard the first few days to wrap my head around that. I cried, often and randomly. (Hormones are also to blame for that) It’s just been hard on me in a way I didn’t expect. I am 100% fine in every other aspect. I am SO happy that the baby is with his mommy and daddy! It brings a smile to my face every time I think of that precious family. The question I find myself asking is, what do I do now? I have my doula training which is really helpful because I know I’m opening a new chapter in my life and I’m so excited for it. It’s just been difficult to go from thinking about surrogacy for almost two years, to it just being over in a matter of moments. Day by day I heal emotionally and physically. It will just take some time. I cried when I put my maternity clothes away, and I cringed when I took out at my old wardrobe. To my relief I fit into most of my old shirts. Now to get into my old jeans…

Other than that things are going so well. My son is doing great! He was having some trouble once I got back from the hospital. I had been in labor since Tuesday and it was hard for me to take care of him. His routine was off and he was seeing his mommy in a lot of pain. He had a rough time dealing with it. Who can blame him?! He is 90% back to normal and I am so proud of him. I tell him a thousand times a day how much I love him, and I’ve been getting to spend every moment with him. It’s been so great! I have an amazing group of mommy friends that have been bringing us dinner so I don’t have to worry about cooking. It’s been so helpful and I appreciate every single one of them for their generosity and support!

I’ve been pumping breast milk everyday, 5 times a day. I have a basic routine established for doing it and it’s working out great. I was worried my son might not know what to think about it, but he is totally fine with it. I have already brought the family milk once and I spent 3 hours visiting and holding the baby. I love seeing them all and talking to them about the baby. I love giving advice and helping where I can.

Physically I am doing better. The swelling in my feet and legs is almost entirely gone! Yay! It was pretty painful this past week to walk around. My husband was so helpful and let me take it easy. (As much as I could with a demanding toddler ) I am also recovering from a small tear that happened when the baby was born. That has been difficult but definitely getting better as well. My back is also a little out of whack which is completely understandable. I already had a bad back so labor was bound to exacerbate it.

Well, I think that’s about all I have for tonight. I will write one more time in about a month to do a final check in about recovery and how life is going. After that I guess that will be all. I have nothing else to write about. It’s going to be a hard entry, it will be my last one. Oh, that reminds me! I saw the Great Gatsby with my husband and best friend. There was a quote in the movie that really struck a cord with me and I wanted to share it. I can see how this quote may seem dark and depressing, but I view it as a beautiful reminder to stop and enjoy the moment while you have it… “All the bright precious things fade so fast. And they don’t come back.” Enjoy the bright precious things in life! Because they do fade fast and they don’t come back.

Brace yourself for a ton of pictures!!!!!

Flowers from the babies parents

Flowers from my best friend

Flowers from my mother-in-law

A gift from my best friend’s mom

My son and mom came to visit me and brought me a balloon. (Which quickly turned into his balloon)

Feeling sentimental… My sandwich at the hospital had an expiration date that was my due date.

Epidural spots (They had to try twice)

Me the day after delivery. My face was swollen.

I loved the ice chips! I couldn’t get enough

First day after delivery

Third day after delivery

Fifth day after delivery

Today! Eighth day after delivery

Day after delivery swollen feet

As you may have guessed, I didn’t write a blog entry on Friday May 10th because… THE BABY WAS BORN! He was born at 6:18am weighing 7 pounds 8 ounces. It was such a wonderful experience and I will never forget seeing him for the first time. Here is my labor story…

I went to the doctor on Monday May 6th for my 39 week checkup. While I was there I asked if my doctor could check for dilation since I had been feeling lots of pressure. I thought to myself that I was at least 1, if not 2 centimeters dilated. After all, its my second pregnancy and I was feeling lots of changes. She checked my cervix (which by the way is very painful) and to my dismay she said I was closed… I was so disappointed but I had to keep in mind that with my son I was zero centimeters at my checkup and the next day I went into labor. So I went home feeling discouraged but I tried to keep my mind off everything by staying busy.

The next day I woke up around 8 in the morning with some contractions. I was so excited that this could be it. A few hours later I had my “bloody show” (I know, I know, TMI. But this is a labor story…) I contacted the parents just to give them a heads up that I was having contractions and that I had the bloody show. I also called my doctor to see if I needed to be checked. They wanted me to come be monitored to make sure the baby was handling the contractions well. I went in and had a non stress test. The baby was doing great and when checked found out I was 1 centimeter dilated. Yay, I thought! Progress! I went home and kept track of the contractions. They were pretty inconsistent but painful. Around 5 that night the contractions stopped! I was so disappointed! My best friend came over to cheer me up. We did silly things to try and get contractions started again. We danced the Macarena, we took silly belly pictures, we laughed a lot and we told the baby to come out! It was lots of fun.

The next day, Wednesday May 8th I woke up at 8:30am with more contractions. They were pretty intense. I timed them all day and they were consistently 8-10 minutes apart. I decided to go get checked again to make sure the baby was doing well. When I was checked I was 3 centimeters dilated. More exciting news. I went home and continued to time them. My husband and I went for a walk, I walked up and down my stairs and I bounced on my birth ball. To my shock the contractions stopped again around 6pm. I was so frustrated and tired! I went to bed and then the contractions started again. I woke up once an hour with a contraction all night.

The next day was Thursday May 9th. I woke up and started getting ready for my doula class. The contractions were so random and far apart so I decided to go to class. I told the parents that the contractions were inconsistent again so they wanted me to go get checked just to make sure the baby was still handling the contractions. We made an appointment at 4pm to be seen, and they wanted to come for reassurance. It was great seeing them, it had been so long since we had seen each other. They were so anxious and worried. After all, At that point I had been in early labor pretty much since Tuesday. My doctor monitored the baby who was doing great, and checked me. I was almost 4 centimeters dilated. At that point my contractions were picking up again. We left the doctor and my husband and I went to pick up our son. On the way to pick him up the contractions were getting closer together and so much more painful. When we got home I was having a really hard time, especially since I was in the car having contractions. They were painful enough that I had to really work through them. My son was not very happy seeing his mommy in pain. I tried to put on a brave face for him, but the pain was too much. My husband put him to bed while I worked through contractions. When he was done he sat with me and helped me through. I kept in contact with my doula who gave us over the phone advice until it was time for her to come. At that point it was about 9pm and the contractions were 6-8 minutes apart and unbearable. About an hour later I called my doula to tell her that I couldn’t handle the pain anymore, it was too intense. I told her that I thought it was time for me to go to the hospital to get checked and possibly get an epidural. My plan was to try natural, but MAN those were some powerful contractions. She said she would come and help me through the contractions until it was time to go to the hospital. I called my mom and told her it was time for her to come be at the house to watch my son. Also, my best friend was on her way. I started to get nauseous and the contractions jumped to 3-4 minutes apart very quickly. Within 20 minutes my doula and mom arrived at the house. She helped me through some contractions while we prepped to go to the hospital. I told the parents I was on my way to the hospital but wasn’t sure how much longer it would be.

We got to the hospital and I was taken to labor and delivery. They hooked me up to the monitor to make sure the baby was doing well. I had to lay in the bed for 20 minutes which was torture. The contractions at that point were 2 minutes apart and SO painful that I said I wanted an epidural right away. The anesthesiologist came in and I quickly told him my concern that the epidural might not work because of my previous experience. He was really nice and said he would be extra cautious. I was terrified once he started because I had to sit perfectly still in a very uncomfortable position while having extremely intense contractions 2 minutes apart. Before he even started I had to jump off the bed because the contraction was so powerful. So I sat there with my doula to my left, my best friend to my right and my husband right in front of me. They were my saving grace. They comforted me and kept me strong. After two attempts to put the catheter into my spine it was over. I was able to lay back and finish through my contractions. It took about 15 minutes to get the pain relief that I needed, but it came! I was thrilled that the epidural worked! My doctor came in and checked me. I was 6 centimeters dilated. Now, I want to take a moment here to say, HELL YA! I may not have accomplished natural childbirth, but I got to 6 centimeters with no pain relief. I am impressed with myself and I feel proud!

At this point it was May 10th, probably around 1am. The parents arrived at the hospital. It felt so good to see them. This was it, no turning back. We were having a baby one way or another! My doctor broke my water and we waited… But then to my horror… I started to feel contractions again. My doula sat with me as I struggled to get through. My water was broken and the contraction pain was tremendous. I didn’t think it could get any worse but I was wrong. They called the anesthesiologist back in. He brought with him a needle. I prayed that whatever he was putting in the catheter would take the pain away! It was the worse 30 minutes of the whole labor. My doula was amazing though. She got me through it! My husband was also completely wonderful and supportive. My best friends presence in the room was so comforting. Once he put the medicine in, about 15 minutes went by and the pain was gone again. Thank GOD! At that point my doctor decided to check me again. It had been about an hour since my last check. I was 9 centimeters dilated!! I was thrilled! I thought it was going to take a lot longer. They then encouraged me to rest because pushing was the next part. I slept on and off for what seemed like 2 hours. After I slept my doula and I talked about school since I’m training to be a doula. My husband slept in the waiting room for an hour and my best friend slept in the chair in my room. The doctor came in at about 6am and checked me. She said the head was right there, it was time to push. My husband stood on one side of me and the nurse on the other. They each held my legs so I could push. I could move my legs but couldn’t hold them up. I couldn’t feel the contractions so they told me when to push. Fifteen minutes of pushing later and he was born. I watched him slip out and up. He had so much hair! I ended up asking if they would put him on my stomach. I rubbed his back and held his hand and talked to him. He cried and cried! My doctor asked if I wanted the parents to come in the room or if they should take the bay to them. The original plan was the baby was going to be taken to them in a separate room. But in that moment I knew what needed to be done. I wanted to see them meet their baby for the first time. I wanted to experience that. So we had them come in. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced, besides giving birth to my son. The parents came into the room and I was holding their son on my stomach. His mom started crying tears of joy, and love, and relief. She put her hands on his back and cried. I started to cry, my husband started to cry, my best friend started to cry. It was such a magical moment. She hugged me and thanked me. The nurse handed her the baby and she cried so hard. It was so emotional, and amazing. I was so happy!

That is my labor story. It was four days of on and off labor (mainly on) and 15 minutes of pushing. I really can’t complain. It was a great experience. In the end, it was everything that I wanted it to be and more! I helped two beautiful people start a family.

My next entry I want to share with you the rest of the story. My hospital stay and the recovery process. To be continued…

Me on our walk during labor

Me sitting on my birth ball in between contractions.

My contraction timer! This thing was awesome!

Ok, so I’m now 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant! I could go into labor any day! Yay! I had an interesting week that I will quickly fill you in on and then I will tell you about my labor with my son.

This week I had to go to the hospital for severe stomach pain. I got to the hospital around 2:30am and wasn’t able to go home until 3pm. So about 12 hours of testing me and monitoring the baby. They never determined what was causing my pain, but suggested that it may just be the baby kicking/pushing on me. Hmm… Not so sure but there are no other leads so… I did get to eat a yummy turkey lunch while there. It was very good so I felt like it needed a mention

Alright, here goes my story. I will probably tell the shorter version but still give all the details that are important.

I was due January 30, 2011 with my son. I went to the doctor for my 40 week checkup on January 28th. She checked me for dilation and to my BIG disappointment I was not dilated! I was so bummed I remember crying the whole way home. I decided that I was going to try a few old wives tails I heard of to get labor started. I ate Mexican food for dinner, drank a small amount of castor oil (it was nasty so I didn’t drink a full dose) and I ate a WHOLE pineapple. I had heard somewhere that those things can bring on labor… Hey, it was worth a try. I went to bed that night around midnight and woke up at 4am with contractions. They were intense enough that I couldn’t fall back asleep so I went out to the couch to watch TV so my husband could get some sleep before I needed his help.

So there it was, January 29th, 4am, labor began. I timed my contractions to see if this was the real deal or just inconsistent practice ones. A few hours went by and sure enough I was in labor. They were 3-5 minutes apart lasting 45-60 seconds. I was told in the childbirth class that you should go to the hospital when they are regular like that. My husband and I went for a small walk and when we got back the contractions were getting more intense. I could no longer talk through the contractions, I had to focus through them. I called my mom to tell her I was in early labor and she insisted on coming and being with me. When she got to the house we decided to call the hospital and see if we should go in. By that time I had been in labor for about 10 hours. I went in to Labor and Delivery to get checked. To my horror I was only one centimeter dilated! How could that be?! I had been having painful contractions for hours and only one centimeter to show for it. It was so discouraging. I was told to go home and try resting and soaking in the tub. A few hours later I went back to Labor and Delivery because the pain was so intense. Again they checked me and I was a little over one centimeter. Another huge disappointment. I was sent home again and told to take Benadryl to help me sleep.

It was then January 30th. I slept a few hours and soaked in the tub more. I tried taking a few showers and nothing was giving me any pain relief. The contractions were 3-4 minutes apart lasting at least a minute if not more. I was miserable. I was sleep deprived and in so much pain. I begged to go back to the hospital. When I did it was very early morning and I had been in labor for over a day. They checked me again… the nurse said, “two, maybe two and a half centimeters dilated”. I was completely crushed, and devastated! How could I be in so much pain for so long with no progress. At that point they decided to admit me and give me something to help me sleep. I hadn’t really slept in a day. I slept for about four hours after they gave me a mixture of morphine and Ambien. I woke up and was given another does and slept another couple of hours. When I woke up it was mid day January 30th. I labored more and rested when I could.

January 31st had now come and I was maybe three centimeters dilated. They decided to go ahead and give me an epidural. I had my first epidural mid morning. A few hours went by with great pain relief when all of a sudden, I felt everything again. They called the anesthesiologist back to my room to try and see what was going on. They decided to do another epidural. It never worked. They stood in my room trying to figure out why it wasn’t working. They decided to do a saddle block. That didn’t work either. I felt some pain relief on my left side, but not enough to help cope with the pain. They had no idea why nothing was working. At some point through this process my doctor broke my water and it was discovered that my baby was posterior (Head facing up), and he was pushing on my cervix with his face not his head. That explains the awful back labor and the lack of dilation. Over the course of the next few hours my doctor worked with each contraction to internally turn my baby into the correct position. At that point I had a fever and they were internally monitoring the baby to make sure he was handling the labor. At around 8:30pm they decided that I would need an emergency c-section. I wasn’t dilating past 4 or 5 centimeters and I had a fever and I was in so much pain. They told me that since the pain medication didn’t help that they would have to put me to sleep to get him out, otherwise I would feel everything. I was terrified. I had never been put to sleep before, and at that point of the labor process, I felt so vulnerable. I truly felt like I could die from all that had been happening to me. My husband and I cried together. He was scared too. I signed some papers and they shaved me for surgery. As they were getting my bed ready to wheel to the OR I told my nurse, “I have to poop! I have to poop so bad!” My nurse checked me and quickly ran out of the room. She brought my doctor in who was dressed and prepped for surgery. My doctor checked me and said, “you’re 8 centimeters, you can try pushing.” So from about 9-11pm I pushed as hard as I could. I was determined to get him out. At 11:05pm on January 31st, he was born. I was able to hold him for a few minutes but he was quickly taken to the NICU to be monitored.

That is basically my story. Yes, that is the short version and I’m sure I am leaving things out that I forgot. The whole experience was horrible and painful and scarey. In the end though, I got the best thing that has ever happened to me, my son. The love I have for him is so deep and strong! Being a mother is the best feeling in the world, and I am so proud that I get to help someone become one. I’m honored to be a surrogate, and I can’t wait to make this family whole! Until next week…

My swollen foot! My nail polish matches the hospital blanket!

38 weeks pregnant

Another swollen foot picture. Ouch

Oops! I completely forgot to write yesterday. I even had it saved in my phone to do it. Man, I have been very forgetful lately!

Today I am 37 weeks and 4 days pregnant with 16 days to go! Yay! I can’t wait!

This past week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Many many ups and downs. One of the best ups was starting my doula training. It was so wonderful going to class and learning more about labor and birth. I met some pretty amazing women and the teacher is great! I am so excited for the months to come. I got to open up some about my traumatic labor and delivery experience which was very healing. I also opened up about my postpartum depression. Another good thing to report is I think the baby is moving down into birth position. I have had a few contractions/uterine pains. I really hope it is my cervix opening!!

One of the worst downs for me this week was getting really sick! It came and went very fast but I was so sick! I had a fever, and chills, and it was awful. I considered going to the doctor if I didn’t get better. I did get better after a night of “sleep” and a lot of orange juice. (Like how I put sleep in quotes. Ya, I don’t really sleep anymore. It’s more of a rest time.) Another low point for me this week was I had a complete mini meltdown. I cried, (a lot) and felt sorry for myself. I racked my brain to come up with the MAIN reason I am so sad and then it hit me… The main reason I am so sad is because I miss how things used to be with me and my son. Even writing this right now brings up a swell of emotion and sadness. I am not able to be the mom that I want to be. I feel so bad for him because he has lost a lot going through this process with me. He knows something is up, that something isn’t normal with me and he acts out sometimes. I of course have no energy, no physical ability to do a lot of things with him that I used to, and I have little to no patience. Poor little guy! I feel so upset that I put him through this… It used to be easier to deal with these thoughts, but now that I am at the end of the pregnancy and have no contact with the people I am doing this for, I feel very lost, sad, confused, and OVERWHELMED! Whew, that felt good to type! (Sigh of relief)

I do want to add that even though things are hard and I have sacrificed so much for this; if given the option, I would do it all over again. This journey has been hard and long, but it has also been very positive and rewarding. I may not do surrogacy again in the future, but I am so glad I am doing it now.

Well, that was short and sweet. Next week I plan to write about my previous birth. It will probably be a long one.

Hello everyone… Hmm, I am siting here trying to figure out how to write this entry. It’s probably the hardest one I have written to date. Well, here goes!

Today I am 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Only a few weeks left to go! We had a 36 week ultrasound on Wednesday which my husband and the babies father were able to come to. We all saw the baby which was nice. He is so active, way more active than my son was. He is measuring perfectly and they estimate he weighs about 6 pounds. I am so ready for him to come out. I am sore, tired, swollen, numb and uncomfortable ALL the time. My husband has to wrap my fingers, hand and wrist every night so I can sleep, otherwise it is so painful I can’t sleep. It’s definitely getting harder physically! Now, lets dive into the emotionally…

Last week there was a big emotional climax reached for this surrogacy journey… Long story short, the intended mother is under a lot of stress and anxiety and things haven’t really been going smoothly. I would love to be able to tell you all that this journey will end with all the same warm and fuzzy feelings that it began with, but sadly that is not the reality. The reality is that there are a lot of different peoples emotions, thoughts, and feelings involved in this process. Things get miss communicated, peoples feelings get hurt. (I know, I’m being vague, and I apologize…) I will tell what needs to be told, and the details will remain with me and the parents. Basically, due to stress the intended mother does not wish to speak to me until the birth of the baby. Now… I have debated LONG and hard about whether or not to divulge this information. I decided to because my goal with this blog was to give people information about surrogacy. People who are really thinking about doing this have the right to know that sometimes things don’t go according to plan. This is MY story and it would be wrong to lie about the events that have unfolded. Like I said, I will spare details for the sake of all involved privacy. Now, back to the story. Yes, she doesn’t wish to communicate with me any further, she is leaving all communication to the intended father. She also mentioned that she had hoped that these last few weeks would be good between her and I, but that they were not going to be. I will admit, I was devastated when she sent me that email. In my head, my surrogacy journey did not end like this. In my head I emailed her with updates of the babies positions, of the non stress tests, of his movements. In my head I called her excitedly when labor began and waited anxiously for her to be a mother. Now those ideas have to change. I have to get my hopes and dreams out of the way and deal with reality. The reality is I’m a surrogate. I am growing this beautiful baby for his mommy and daddy, and I still can’t wait for him to come, for his parents to meet and take him home. The only thing that has to change is my “magical” perception of the ending of this very long and rewarding process. Unfortunately I continue to learn these life lessons: nothing is perfect, nothing goes according to plan, and you have NO control over other peoples thoughts or feelings. I don’t say this to be negative, not at all. In fact, I say it because it brings me a sense of comfort. I KNOW that I did nothing wrong in this situation. I have done ALL that I can do. I have gone above and beyond and still events unfolded in a way that I couldn’t control. I feel very relived to know I have done everything I can, and I am not going to blame myself. I will admit, I have some utterly AMAZING people in my life that helped me to understand that this wasn’t my fault. I have a lot of support and that has helped SO much!

Well, I guess that alone could be a blog entry, however, I have a lot more to share with you all.

I finally packed my hospital bag. I feel like I should have done it a few weeks ago just in case, but oh well. It is packed now and I am ready for whenever the baby decides to come. I have also written up my birth plan and I meet with my doula in a few weeks. I am very happy that I have a plan and I know I have support. Along with my doula and husband I will have my best friend helping me. She took the birth classes with me and we practiced together. I couldn’t ask for a better support team! Yay!

Something that I am not excited to report… I have gone above my goal weight gain. Bummer! I have been stress eating for the past month. Oh well, its only a total weight gain of 32 pounds… Yikes, writing that number and seeing it is scary! My doctor isn’t worried and I know I will be able to get the weight off quick this time around.

I start my doula training next week! I can’t wait! I am so excited to open this new chapter in my life. I think it will help with moving forward from this surrogacy chapter ending.

I think that is all I have for this week. From now until the baby is born I will be writing once a week instead of biweekly. Man, I can’t believe D day is almost here!!!

36 weeks!!

Me and my husband celebrating my birthday!

Hello all! I am 34 weeks and 3 days pregnant! That’s 8 and a half months. Only 38 days left. That’s 5 weeks and 4 days!! (Can you tell I am counting down the days?) So close, yet still so far away! I am definitely getting to that, “I’m SO done” stage of pregnancy! I am always tired, always swollen, and always uncomfortable so I am SO DONE! It always seems to be the case in the last month. I’m trying to stay active to keep swelling down and my energy up, but I am also starting to take it easy a lot more. Feet up and relaxing at any possible opportunity.

I have been getting these random urges of fear regarding labor. I had a very hard, not normal labor with my son, and I worry that something might go wrong again. Tons of questions race through my mind, “will the baby be posterior, (facing up) will he get stuck, will I dilate, if I need an epidural will it work this time?” All of these thoughts are almost always on my mind. Besides feeling worried I also get urges of complete and total excitement for labor. “Bring it on, I am women hear me roar”, kind of thing. I can’t wait to try this naturally this time and not have all the complications that we had last time. I feel ready for it, (except I still need to pack the hospital bag).

So, besides feeling pretty uncomfortable all the time I also now have pregnancy carpel tunnel. I have to wear a wrist brace at night otherwise I wake up with a numb and tingling hand. It’s actually pretty painful. If I wear the brace it’s not so bad. I am also waking at the very least five times a night to pee, or with a nightmare. (Which usually leads to a pee anyway)

Other than all of that normal pregnancy stuff I am doing good. I am still enjoying this journey and anticipate doing it again someday.

On an up note, tomorrow is my 27th birthday. I am pretty excited to see how this year will be. There are so many wonderful things going on and the future is looking very bright.

I think that is about all I have to share this time. Lots of complaints, I know. Maybe my next post will be happier… We will see.

My pug snuggling the baby bump!

I am 32 weeks and 3 days pregnant. 52 days to go! I feel like I am at the very end yet I have a long way to go! Here is what has been going on the past three weeks! (Yes I know, I forgot to blog last week. Oops! )

Dinner with the parents went well. We all had a great time and ate at a very yummy restaurant. It’s always so nice to see them!

I went to a birthing class and I will go again next week. My husband can’t go with me because he has to work so I have my surrogate husband, aka best friend to go with me. It was interesting going to this birth class because everything that was talked about made me think of my birth class from my first pregnancy. It was the same instructor and in a similar room. I remember thinking that as much as I learned in the class last time, once labor set in I forgot everything. This time I really want to remember the breathing and positions. So I think its really good that my best friend was there to help remember all this stuff for when labor sets in. She may or may not be with me this time through labor, we still have to see how things go.

My hands and feet have been swelling and it is making me miserable. I’m trying to drink more water and relax as much as possible. It’s not always easy with a toddler. I’m still having daily Braxton Hicks contractions that are not painful. I’m also very forgetful. It’s very frustrating but comes with the territory of pregnancy.

I do have an update, the parents decided that they want me to deliver the baby at Dominican. I must admit that I am very disappointed. We were going to do Sutter and that was my only request throughout this whole process. It meant a lot to me. Due to financial reasons and the concern of needing access to the neonatal unit, they want to do it at the hospital. (Surrogacy is considered a high risk pregnancy) Understandable, but still majorly disappointing. I am so concerned for my emotional well being… I had my son at Dominican and I don’t want all the memories. I already worry about PPD and this will probably amplify it. My husband is being very supportive, he is also upset about this. Part of the surrogacy process is to talk to a counselor once a month to check in about how you are doing. I called her today and talked to her about my concerns. She has reassured me that they will get me help after the birth if it is needed. I won’t have to be alone through recovery.

Oh, I actually had a craving this past week…Ice cream sandwiches! Lol! I ate a lot and they were all very delicious. Now I need to get back on track! My doctor is very happy with the amount of weight I have gained. So far 20 pounds. I have been gaining very slowly which I am happy about. (I’m afraid to see the scale next week after my ice cream sandwich binge…)

I’m sure that I’m forgetting something, but for now I can’t think of anything else… Until next time!

Soaking my swollen feet in my son’s pool

This is from last month…7 months

8 months

74 days, I officially have a countdown going. It seems like these past few weeks and months have been going by so slow. In the beginning I felt like it was going by fast. Funny how time works. Anyway, only a few things to report…

I had another appointment with the doctor today. Everything went well. Total weight gain for this pregnancy…20 pounds. Yay! That’s great! My doctor is very happy with it and so am I! I also scheduled all of my appointments up until the baby is born. That was kind of weird because I only have three appointments left until I need to go once a week, and then I will be four weeks away! I feel like I still have so long to go, but I just need to focus on the small milestones, like getting through doctors appointments.

Good news, I found Belly Bars at the Maternity store. Bad news, they cost $2.50 per bar! Bummer! I bought a few and I’m trying to make them last, but it’s hard not to eat them…

I’ve been in the “nesting” stage on and off all week. I’ve been wanting to organize and clean like crazy! (Too bad I don’t have the energy!!) I nested when I was pregnant with my son around this time, and I didn’t stop until he was born. I guess my brain thinks that I need to get ready for a baby… Silly brain, silly hormones. Specking of hormones… I had a moment of sadness this week. Out of no where, I just got really sad about the thought of not having this baby inside me anymore. Yes, I’m tired and sore, and ready for his parents to take him home! And I don’t want to keep him, but I just had this overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss. Now, keep in mind hormones are ragging, and I have a lot of personal struggles going on right now. (Husband in medic school, works full time, never around… It’s very hard to be a “single parent” but add being pregnant to the equation… Yikes!) Things are not easy right now for me or my husband. We have typical everyday problems, like where are we going to find time to do anything, how are we going to pay the bills?!… Anyway, so add all this to the fact that I am growing a baby inside of me, it’s just hard. It was never suppose to be easy, it’s just something that I need to adjust to. I am still so excited for the day we all get to meet this little guy, and for the moment he gets to go home with his parents. I’m so looking forward to everything that is still to come. I guess I worry that, this process has consumed more than a year of my life, my time, my thoughts, and it will all end in a matter of hours. I wonder how I will deal with the after math of all this. Just something I think about. I also think about how happy it makes me to be giving the parents this gift. This whole process is a whirlwind of emotions!

Other than that, my husband is taking some time off work in a few weeks so that him and I can take a refresher birthing class. It’s just a one day class that re teaches birthing tips. I’m looking forward to it because now that I have gone through labor I feel like I can better understand what they are trying to teach to cope with the pain. When we took a birthing class with our son they gave us a lot of information, but it didn’t help during labor because we both forgot everything, and we were overwhelmed. This time I am going to be prepared!

This Sunday we are having dinner with the parents. I can’t wait to see them! I’m hoping the baby will move a lot so they can feel him, or at least see him move. We are also going to see his nursery! I can’t wait!

Today I am 27 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I am in the third trimester now, YAY! A lot has happened since my last entry so I guess I will jump right in…

I started the prenatal yoga and I love it! After the first class I slept 6 hours straight! That’s a record for me these days! The class was so great, I got a good workout and I also felt so calm and clear!

I took a tour of Sutter hospital with my husband. I really liked what they have to offer verses Dominican hospital. The rooms are a lot bigger which will be good for our situation. They are a lot more accommodating over all for our needs and the nurses were very friendly!

I also had my glucose test done last week. I only ended up having to be there for two hours with a total of three blood draws. (That was not fun) Honestly though, the time seemed to fly by. I read two magazines and people watched. (I like to people watch) I was really dreading drinking that nasty sugar drink but I was so hungry that it was not a big deal. I got the orange flavored one and it basically tasted like a flat orange soda. After the second blood draw though I was getting dizzy from not being allowed to eat and all the blood draws. The guy drawing my blood must have noticed my paleness because he asked me if I wanted to lay down.

I had my doctors appointment today and that went very well. I love my doctor, she is so friendly and comforting. I got my Rhogam shot because I am Rh-negative. To properly explain what this all means, I took this excerpt from “rhogam.com”:

“What Does It Mean to Be Rh-Negative?

Being Rh-negative means you don’t have a certain protein (“D antigen” or the Rh factor) on the surface of your red blood cells. If you do have it, you’re Rh-positive. So the terms “Rh-negative” and “Rh-positive” are really just terms that further define what type of blood a person has, beyond the general blood type categories of A, B, AB, and O.

In the United States, the population of Rh-negative individuals varies among ethnic groups. The highest prevalence is found among Caucasians (15%), followed by African Americans and Hispanics (8% each), and Asians and Native Americans (1% each). For the small percentage of people who are Rh-negative, their blood type causes no special health concerns except when they give or receive blood, or during pregnancy.

WHEN NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE MEET AND MATE

If you’re Rh-negative and carrying a baby who is Rh-positive (like the baby’s father), your baby may be at risk for a serious disease. When your immune system (which fights off invaders to keep you healthy) is exposed to your baby’s Rh-positive blood, it will begin producing antibodies that are sensitized (designed specifically) to destroy these “foreign” blood cells.

If this is your first pregnancy, chances are everything will be fine. These sensitized antibodies are typically not dangerous until subsequent pregnancies, when they’ve had time to grow in strength and number. However, all subsequent pregnancies would be at great risk. That is why you must act now to prevent your immune system from being exposed to Rh-positive blood.”

I hope that helps explain. Also at my doctors appointment I discovered that I only gained 2 pounds since my last visit. Yay, I’m staying on track for my overall weight gain. I found out that I am going to start going to the doctor twice a month until I am 9 months pregnant and then I will go once a week after that. Along with once a week appointments I will start the NST’s. (Nonestress Tests) Since this is an IVF pregnancy they want to make sure that the baby is tolerating things. So every week I will be hooked up to a monitor for 20 minutes and it will evaluate the babies heart rate. Lastly, I will start doing “kick counts” now until the baby is born. The kick counts are just a way to make sure the baby is moving enough. So everyday around the same time I will record how long in an hours time it takes me to feel the baby move 10 times. Easy enough!

I think that is all… Like I said, a lot has happened in the past two weeks.

Happy Valentines Day!

7 month belly!

Today I am 25 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I have about 14 weeks to go! For me the time has been flying by! Over the past few months there has been so much going on in my personal life that time went by really fast. Now things are starting to slow down, a little. I am still doing my prenatal water aerobics which I love. I plan to start a prenatal yoga class this Sunday, and I may add on another day of aerobics in March. We will see how I’m feeling.

Speaking of how I’m feeling, I must admit that I am starting to get uncomfortable. Not all the time yet, but periodically throughout the day. I am also having more consistent back pain. That’s to be expected though, I have a bad back. That is the main reason I plan to start yoga. It will hopefully help my back throughout the rest of the pregnancy, but also it will help for labor and recovery. I have also been having leg cramps for months now, but they are intensifying. I don’t sleep more than a three hour chunk before I wake with a leg cramp, or I have to pee. It’s then hard to fall back to sleep because finding a comfortable position is starting to become a challenge. All of this is to be expected though since I am almost in the third trimester. It’s weird to think that in less than three weeks I will be in the last trimester. Crazy!

I am so happy to report that I found a doula. I meet with her last night and I loved her right away! She was so nice, and supportive and I felt comfortable with her. Now I just need to write out a basic birth plan so that everyone that will be involved with the labor is on the same page. Easy enough. I learned from my first delivery that your “birth plan” is less of a plan, and more of a hope. I hope that my delivery will go the way I want, but sometimes the baby has other plans. This labor will be better because I am going into it with more knowledge and perspective. Not to mention the help of my doula. I feel like I can actually accomplish my goals now.

Last week I received a package in the mail. It was from the agency I’m working with, Family Creations. It had lots of goodies in it like, lotions and tea. I was so excited to get these gifts. The Bellybars particularly were my favorite. Yum! I definitely need to find out where they got those and get some more pronto! Thank you Family Creations!

Next week I go in for my glucose test. They changed the way the test works so now its a three hour test with three separate blood draws!! I’m less than thrilled about it. Especially since I’m not allowed to eat before or during the test. I will be starving after for sure! Also next week my husband and I are going on a tour of Sutter hospital! I can’t wait! I’m so curious to see where I will be delivering this baby!